Post-Apocalyptic HVAC Solutions, Vol. 1
UL Certified? Never heard of her. Buyer representation includes holy water and a fire extinguisher. The Monday Blueprint Late edition.
This is some next-level, basement-MacGyvered, Rube Goldberg-meets-Red-Green-Show engineering wizardry right there.
What we’re looking at is a Ryobi leaf blower duct-taped into a heating duct like it’s auditioning for a role in a post-apocalyptic HVAC bootleggers’ union. Foil duct tape wrapped to seal an interdimensional rift. The home furnace is a oil/wood combo setup with a side of mystery and DIY gumption.
I keep wondering what the clamp is for… Emergency release? Vibes?
This photo says “I solve problems my damn self” and “UL certification is for quitters.” It’s charmingly chaotic, functional in that “don’t ask too many questions” kind of way, and absolutely deserves to be a Reddit thread titled “Well it works, doesn’t?”
And, if you were wondering where the contraption vents to—goes to the garage right behind 7 or 8 plastic gasoline storage tanks, the kind you pick up from Walmart. All of it electrical and combustion components, jerry-rigged together in a space that screams “the fire marshal gave up and walked out.”
This isn’t just bad handyman; this is potential felony arson setup masquerading as “just a little garage heating.”
You don’t walk away from that. You back out slowly with a fire extinguisher in hand and say a prayer to St. Elmo (if you’re Catholic, if you’re Protestant or another non-Christian faith, you’re just out of luck altogether.)
Once someone’s heat plan involves a Ryboi 40V, duct tape, and a dream—you know damn well the electrical panel is labeled in Sharpie and the smoke detectors haven’t seen new batteries since Clinton was president.
The skeleton, by the way, discovered in the same house.
Because nothing says “this house is a sound investment” like a plastic skeleton silently judging you from the corner of a collapsing barn, surrounded by firewood, rot, and a vague sense of dread. This is either a Halloween decoration that nobody had the emotional strength to reclaim, or the previous buyer’s agent still waiting for their commission.
So yeah. Missed the entire last week of newsletters. But hey, that’s okay! Cause I got a whole stack of houses to help you buy. Any takers on this one, let me know!
☕ The Road to 1,500: Subscriber Counter
Goal: 1,500 by Labor Day (September 1)
Current count: 635
Days left: 63
Humans to go: 860
Pace needed: Just 14 people a day.
🧭 No bots. No fluff. No ad spends.
Just real people who give a damn about housing, story, and occasionally... the haunted infrastructure of small-town America.
If something in this newsletter has ever made you laugh, learn, or launch into a kitchen rant—share it.
📨 Forward to a friend
📲 Post it to your story
🧃 Tattoo it on your arm in Comic Sans
OUR FEATURED BUSINESS
